At the end of 15 years, she felt like a husk of a person. She’d spent so long living for who she thought she was supposed to be that she’d lost track of who she actually was. That’s the story today’s guest brings into this conversation, and it’s one a lot of women are quietly living.

Thomai Roi is known as the divorce doula for accomplished women. She helps women remember who they are and rebuild their lives before, during, and after divorce. What I love most about Thomai is that she isn’t selling a tidy version of this story. She went through it herself — 15 years of marriage, a life that looked perfect on the outside, and the slow, confronting realization that she was living for who she thought she was supposed to be. 

If you’ve been through a divorce, you’re considering one, or you’re in the messy middle of one right now, this conversation is for you. 

And even if none of that applies, this episode is really about one bigger question: What do I actually want? And being gutsy enough to sit with whatever answer comes back.

Featured Guest 

Dr. Thomai Roi is the founder of Arguably Feral Women and a women’s threshold coach who guides ambitious women through the space between the life that looks right on paper and the one they’re actually meant to live. A decade into entrepreneurship, three burnouts, a divorce, remarriage, and a seven-figure business later, she knows firsthand what it costs to keep performing “fine” when something deeper is asking for more.

Thomai works with the woman running the business before she ever touches the business itself, helping her disentangle worth from output, move through the grief of outgrown identities, and design a life that can actually hold all of who she is. Part wise best friend, part strategic co-conspirator, she’s obsessed with giving women practical, grounded ways to cross their next threshold without burning everything down in the process.

In this episode:

• Recognizing misalignment before the decision is made
• The shame and guilt of choosing yourself when your life looks perfect from the outside
• What “doing the work” really looks like
• How to start discovering what you want by following what excites you
• Managing other people’s emotions and where your responsibility actually ends
• Why the finalization papers are only a starting point
• Building the evidence that this new life is actually working

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Arguably Feral Women Skool Group

Thomai’s free community for women navigating divorce before, during, and after. It’s a safe, supportive space built around the village she wished she’d had — weekly live calls, identity work, and a community of women who truly get it. She mentioned it’s currently free, with anyone who joins during the free window grandfathered in permanently. 

The Gutsy Collective

The community I built for women making bold moves, including the many women I’ve walked alongside through divorce. When you’re navigating something this big, you don’t have to do it alone. This is the place to make your next gutsy move with women who will celebrate the chaos with you and help you find your way through.

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NOTEWORTHY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

“The entire outcome of your life is just the accumulated residue of generations of expectation.”

“I’m not living for me. I’m living for what I thought I needed to be. What I thought I should be.”

“You’re changing the architecture of your life to align with who you know you are and what you want in life, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You loved yourself enough to choose this. Now, can you love yourself to stay in it?”

“Being so wildly authentic, in the eyes of tradition, that I risk history being the only one to appreciate it.”

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